Chapter 2
The day proved largely uneventful. Katie’s students were immersed in a small group activity which most seemed to enjoy. She moved between them checking their progress, answering questions and gently guiding them back on topic if necessary, listening to their conversations and smiling at their insights. A quick phone call between classes with her friend and colleague, Sadie, was the only adult interaction Katie managed all day. The younger teacher needed some reassurance from her mentor about an upcoming presentation to the board of education. Katie had quickly assured her that everything would be fine before turning her attention to the students who were coming in for the last class of the day.
After the final bell rang, Katie made a quick trip to the teacher’s work room to make copies of a quiz for the next day. When she returned, she packed papers to be graded into her tote bag and cleared her desk. She was walking toward the classroom door when it opened and Mark stepped in. “Hey beautiful,” he said, flashing her a big smile, “where have you been all day? I didn’t even see you at lunch.”
“I had an appointment with Emma Branson. Make-up work. I ate a sandwich during my planning period,” she replied, returning the smile.
“You really should lock it up and eat at the grownup table, Katie. Let the kids come in after school for makeup work,” he said.
“Emma has volleyball practice after school,” she replied.
“Not your problem,” Mark said glibly.
Katie rolled her eyes. There was no use arguing with Mark about the topic. They saw their responsibility to their students very differently. She had known most of them since they had been in elementary school, and there was no way she could say no to one of them if they came to her for help. Mark offered extra help on his schedule and at his convenience. She didn’t fault him for it, but it just wasn’t her way of doing things.
“What are you doing for dinner?” Mark asked, changing the topic.
“Nothing I guess. Lucy is busy until 7:30 at the earliest. She’s grabbing a bite with Kendra between practice and her speech meeting.”
“Do you wanna go grab a pizza or something?” Mark asked.
“Sure,” she said. “What time?”
“I’ll meet you at Frankie’s about six. You know, you could always tell Luc to stay the night with Kendra. I’m sure Phyllis wouldn’t mind and …” he began.
“Not again. We’ve been over this a hundred times. I want to be home with her in the evenings. I want to make sure she does her homework and gets in bed at a decent hour and doesn’t spend the entire evening on the computer,” Katie said. Exhausted as she was, she couldn’t keep the irritation at this renewed conversation from edging into her voice.
“Fine,” he said defensively. “Forget I mentioned it, but I think she’s old enough to do that stuff for herself. She’s seventeen years old.”
“I’m perfectly aware of how old my only child is, thank you,” Katie said, trying to dismiss the tension with a smirk as she walked toward the door. “I’ll see you at six.”
As Katie drove toward the farmhouse she shared with Lucy, she marveled at how the morning’s rain had washed the air free of dust, leaving the early October sky a hard, brilliant blue. The golden sunlight poured through the russet leaves on the oak as she pulled into the drive. She sometimes wondered if she would be better off to sell the farm and move into town, but she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the old place. There were so many wonderful memories for her here. The house had been her grandparents’ home and her favorite childhood haunt. After her grandfather died, her grandmother had moved in with Katie’s parents and later, when she and David married, her grandmother had given them the deed to the house as a wedding gift. David had grown up in the city and was thrilled to take a stab at country living. He had adapted wonderfully and quickly grew to love the farm as much as his young wife did.
As Katie dragged her bag from the car and headed inside to change clothes, an old truck pulled into the drive behind her SUV. She turned to see her childhood friend, Kade Warren, grinning at her from the cab. “Hey,” he said. “What’s shakin’?”
“Nothing much,” she said, trying to sound full of positive energy. Kade knew her better than anyone on earth except her older sister, Leigha, and the last thing she wanted to do was let Kade know that memories of her nightmare had triggered an avalanche of sad memories that had returned now that the school day had ended and her mind was free to wander. But in spite of a performance that would have netted her an Oscar, her friend immediately picked up on the underlying sadness in her voice.
“Faker,” he said. “What’s up?”
“Not,” she replied. “Nothing’s up. I didn’t sleep well. The storm woke me up, and I started worrying about the gutters. They’re already full of leaves again.”
“Katherine, you are the worst liar in the world,” he said, taking off his baseball cap and running a hand through his mop of wavy brown hair. “You’ve never worried about gutters a day in your life. When I cleaned them out last week there were leaves in there that had fossilized they had been in there so long. You don’t want to talk, fine, don’t talk, but you don’t have to lie about it, especially to me.”
The gentle rebuke in his voice was the last straw. Tears welled up in her blue-grey eyes and began to roll down her cheeks as she stood in the driveway.
“Aw, Duchess,” he said softly, “it can’t be as bad as all that.” Taking her bag, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and the two walked toward the house.
Fifteen minutes later, they were on the porch swing. Kade had fixed them both a glass of iced tea while Katie exchanged her skirt and sweater for a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, simply enjoying the beauty of the fall afternoon.
“So why are you really having trouble sleeping?” he finally asked.
“Nightmares,” she replied evasively.
“About what?” he prodded.
“Just weird stuff. Lucy is usually small. She’s in trouble, and I can’t get to her. Probably deeply seated anxiety about her leaving for college,” Katie said sheepishly.
“You know she’ll be fine, right?” he asked.
“I know,” she said. “I’m not so sure about me though.”
“You’ll be fine, too,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and giving her a little squeeze. “It’s not like you’re all alone on a desert island here.”
“I know,” Katie replied, “but it’s lonely even with her still here. I can’t imagine what it will be like when she goes away to school.”
The two sat quietly for a bit. The rhythm of the old swing soothed her. She remembered countless conversations with her grandmother in the very same spot. Katie had relied heavily on the wisdom she found in those conversations and wished with all her heart that she could talk to her grandma just one more time. Having lost her own husband, her childhood sweetheart and best friend, surely her grandma could have given her advice that would help her move past her own loss.
“What are you thinking about?” Kade asked.
“My grandma,” she said. “I’d give anything to talk to her again.”
“She was something special,” Kade said smiling. “I think she would be happy that you’re still here, living on the farm.”
“She was something special,” Kade said smiling. “I think she would be happy that you’re still here, living on the farm.”
Katie nodded.
“Do you ever miss being married?” she asked after a moment.
“OK. That’s a big jump,” Kade said.
“Really,” she persisted. “Do you miss being married?”
“You know my ex and you’re asking?” he said with raised eyebrows.
“No, I don’t mean miss the end. I mean miss what was right. Do you miss what it was when it worked?” Katie prodded.
“I guess,” he said, turning the glass in his hand. “It’s history. Why dwell on it?”
“Because dwelling is what I do. David’s gone, and all I have is the history. Sometimes I feel like the memories and the questions and regrets are going to suffocate me. I just can’t seem to figure out how to get on with my life without him regardless of how many times people tell me that it’s time.”
“What about your boyfriend? I would think he’s a pretty good indicator of having moved on,” Kade said wryly.
“Mark is a friend. He is not a ‘boyfriend.’ I’m not sixteen. And besides, Mark and I aren’t serious.”
Kade made a dismissive sound in the back of his throat, and Katie elbowed him in the ribs. She knew Kade held a low opinion of Mark, but she didn’t want to venture down that path just now.
“C’mon. Be serious,” she said, redirecting the conversation. “I need some of your sage advice.”
“It’s not really surprising that you’re having a little trouble wrapping your head around being alone, Katie. You were just a kid when you and David married,” Kade replied. “You never really had a chance to get to know ‘you’ outside of being David’s other half.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, an edge creeping into her voice.
“It doesn’t mean anything, other than what I said,” he replied. “You weren’t a single woman very long. At the age when most people are sowing their oats and figuring out who they want to be, you were focused on your relationship with David and who you thought he wanted you to be. Now that you are alone, you have to figure it out.”
“Is this about Mark?” Katie asked in disbelief. “I know you don’t like him, but I do. I enjoy being with him. I’ve been alone for almost three years! What exactly do you think I’ve been doing in all that time? If I don’t know who I am now, when will I figure it out?”
“C’mon, Katie, this has nothing to do with him. I’ve known you forever and in your whole adult life you’ve never taken the time to figure out who you are or what you want for yourself. You went from being Henry’s daughter to David’s wife and Lucy’s mother. What other people want from you has always defined who you are. You spend most of your time running around like a chicken with your head off trying to win the approval of other people.”
“That’s not fair, Kade,” she said, turning her head to stare over the field beyond the yard. “My life is fairly demanding, but I know how to relax. And I don’t spend all my time trying to win people’s approval. Just ask my mother. She’ll let you know in a heartbeat that I’m not on her good girl list.”
They sat for a while longer, the silence heavy with unspoken words. Katie tried to think of a way to return to the conversation or even change the topic, but she couldn’t seem to find the words. Finally, Kade leaned over and kissed her on the cheek as he rose from the swing and made his way down the steps and toward his truck. He stopped before climbing into the cab and hesitated, as if weighing his options before speaking.
“One thing’s for sure; you can’t run from yourself forever,” he said. “Lucy isn’t a little girl anymore. She’s going away to college next fall, whether you like it or not, and life’s gonna change again. You can jump into Mark’s arms or Mark’s bed for that matter, but somehow I doubt the you that you’re gonna find there will fit you very well. I gotta get home. You better get a move on if you’re gonna get the chores done before supper.”
The affection in his voice softened her resentment of his criticism. She never could stay mad at Kade, no matter how blunt he was.
“I love you, Duchess,” he said.
“Love you, too, and get a haircut!” she shouted over the roar of the motor.
He flashed her a familiar smile that crinkled around his brown eyes and shook his head before he backed out of the drive and headed up the hill toward his house.
She watched until the old, green truck dropped over the hill, picked up their glasses and started toward the house, rolling his words over in her mind as she headed out to feed the horses.
